Coaching for Change

  “There is a fellow student in my class. He is so good at everything he does. And believe me, he does many things. He is good at academics, instruments, singing, sports. You name it, he does it and does it well. When I see him, I feel like I’m not doing enough,”  – a teen ranted during a session. There is so much to do, with so little time. In a competitive world we want to be all-rounders. We want to be able to do everything to the best of our abilities. If that is what we want, then where do we go wrong? Everyone has the same number of hours in a day. Then how is it that some people end up getting more out of their days and years than the others? While it's wrong to compare ourselves with others, if we admire someone’s qualities, it's good to learn from them to improve. As they say, we learn from each other and grow together. What do some people do to get all they want when others don’t? The key lies in setting goals. Knowing WHERE you want to be and WHAT you want to be. Th...

  "He is so slow at doing things, if I don’t help him or keep pushing him, the work will NEVER get done." Remember when they were tiny tots and were struggling to wear their clothes or tie their shoelaces? When we parents are not in a rush, it is a delight to watch them master a thing that is so simple for us that we don’t even give a conscious thought. The same adorable act becomes a bit of an irritant when we are in a rush to get things done by a certain time so that it can fit into our schedule. From getting ready for school in the morning to writing a statement of purpose for college applications, when we run out of patience and time, we parents get frustrated and end up doing it for them. We tell ourselves we are helping them, but we are doing much more than that. When we do things for them unintentionally, we are sending silent signals to them: I can’t trust you to do this without me intervening; If you don’t do it, don’t bother, the work will get done eventually by som...

  When I started my entrepreneurial journey, working from home was new for me. My fledgling business could not afford the monumental rentals on Hong Kong properties. While working from home had its benefits like saving time, money, and travel efforts, it came with challenges. The biggest challenge was staying focused on my professional work. Everything about home, housework, and children always seemed more urgent and important and took precedence over the professional work. Then there were days when the housework was get neglected and professional work took the lead. Irrespectively, at the end of a 17-hour day, there would be a nagging question on my mind – am I doing enough? COVID 19 has brought most of us to where I was, just a couple of years back. I found my friends and acquaintances exhausted from trying to balance work-home. Imbalanced life resulting in stress and fatigue, loss of control. It leaves one feeling exhausted and resentful, and there seems to be so much to do, yet...

  “Everyone is always getting better grades than me in class. I never do anything better than others.” “She is so much better than me in everything. I don’t think she considers me to be her friend. She is just being nice to me.” “I think people talk behind my back. I think they don’t like me. I don’t have any friends in school.” The above statements are all from real life, expressed by my teen clients during coaching sessions. There is a common thread that binds them all. Each statement is negative, disempowering, based on the opinion of themselves. One can sense the underlying theme of “I am not good enough and I don’t think I can do anything about it.” This feeling of “not good enough” is the root cause of unhappiness and frustration. It leads us to believe we are unimportant and worthless. This, in turn, holds us back from truly attaining our highest potential. One needs to be especially cautious of this feeling of self-doubt lingering in teenagers. It is normal to have self-dou...

  As they say, children don’t come up with instruction manuals. And what that means is we parents end up spending energy on musing, ‘Am I doing enough?’ This thought becomes even more accentuated when both the parents are working. In the process of getting rid of the guilt, we end up doing more for the child that is required. This, in the process, becomes counterproductive, and the child ends up being labelled by the society as an overprotected spoiled brat. And again, the parents take the brunt. So, after spending energy on worrying about not becoming a good parent, we end up being judged as so. Where to go … what to do?! In this article, I am going to write about two areas, which in my experience as a parent and coach, we the parents fret most about. These areas are also the most fertile situations to help children practice and hone their “executive functioning” skills. Once the kids get these skills right, we the parents can relax and be the “lazy parent”. Anxiety over Uncertain...

  I often hear mums concerned about the amount of time children spend on their phones playing games, and in the process not only do they lose track of the time, but it's also hard to pull them away from the game. Whilst it is true for mobile devices in general, in this article I will focus on the gaming part of the devices. I will give a glimpse of what goes on in the mind of a video gamer and why it’s challenging to pull them away from the game or indeed, pulling themselves away. I will also give tips on what can potentially be done. Here is a dialogue from one of my coaching sessions. The child here is a teenager going to an International School in Hong Kong. This child had come to me because he wanted to reduce the time he was spending on gaming and do other more meaningful things. He had himself tried to this but having failed, he was seeking my help. Credit: photo by Jeshoots / unsplash.com Me: When do you find time to play the games? He:  When I am travelling to and from...