Coaching for Change

“Oh, man! This is so frustrating. I can’t go out anywhere. I can't play with my friends. All my activities have also been stopped.” ranted a 12-year-old. “I had planned a play date with my friends today. But then we found, we can’t play in the clubhouse anymore! Just playing by myself at home is so boring” whined a 10-year-old. “I have my GCSE coming up. But sitting at home and doing the self-study is hard. I am missing my school and my friends. I feel like I am under house arrest” lamented a 14-year-old. Tween and teenage is a time when the child’s brain is generally anxious over the smallest of things. When we add a virus and an epidemic to the equation, it goes crazy with frustration, anxiety, and stress. Sonia Lupien at Centre for studies in Human Stress has a handy acronym for what causes stress in our lives: N-Novelty  Something that you have not handled in your life before. U-Unpredictability  Something you had no way of knowing occurs T-Threat t...

Help your child overcome Public Speaking fear I dedicate this article to my favorite age group… the youth of today. This is a topic about which a lot has been said and written and yet it remains an enigma to most of us when it really shouldn’t be. It should be as easy as it is for a 4-year-old to tell a story. Recently I was invited to mentor a bunch of kids to polish their Public Speaking Skills. These kids were going to present their project to a group of judges and the best idea was to win an award to fund their idea. I first asked them to tell me about their project. As they told me about why they chose the project, the passion, enthusiasm, and energy in their gestures and body language was apparent. Then I asked them to present their idea to me as they would to the judges. Suddenly the whole dynamics changed, the same bubbly bunch became uptight, nervous and robotic. When I asked them what the reason was, they said:  -It’s a formal presentation so we need to look and...

DOES YOUR CHILD PROCRASTINATE? The school my girls went to for primary did not have much workload in terms of homework. Whatever they had was easily manageable with all the other activities they were involved in. The only time management they needed was to learn to be on time at various places. Things changed dramatically when they entered secondary school. The demand was high not only in terms of the workload but also, they were expected to be able to plan for: -homework due by next class -projects due in a few weeks -assessment in a few days’ time. -extracurricular activities. According to them, they had:  -too much work -too many activities -too busy -not enough hours in the day -not enough holidays And this problem I have found with quite a few teen clients of mine. They are always busy, but work doesn’t seem to get done. At the end of the day, they are spending late hours studying and sometimes even finishing tasks at school. Most parents tend t...

IN THE MOMENTS OF CHOICE... What you sow, so shall you reap. In other words, our actions decide the results we get. So we have all heard. But even before we act, there are 2 steps that happen in our mind which we most of the times do not pay attention to. In fact, these 2 steps that we are unaware of are so crucial that they actually dictate the action we take and the result we get. These 2 steps that quietly take place in our mind unknown to us are … ATTENTION and CHOICE. Most of us, at any given point in time, when we choose to undertake a particular action; we actually choose based on where our attention at that point in time is. Every minute is a tradeoff. The fact that you are reading this piece is because you chose to over every other thing on the earth you could have done. And that you chose this is because something about this piece caught your attention. Let me explain further. The video games these days have almost every teenager hooked to it. While coaching a teena...

RECEIVING COMPLIMENTS One evening I was Coaching a student of mine for Public Speaking when her 4-year-old sister came in. " Hello Dear ..... you have such beautiful big brown eyes," I said. Immediately, the child's eyes lit up, became bigger and her face became bright with an angelic smile. And softly she said "Thank you" I knew instantly my compliment had been received, accepted and appreciated. On my way back from the session, I was on Whatsapp and happened to notice a profile picture of a friend of mine with her child. "Both of you are glowing. Beautiful display picture" I wrote to her. Within seconds I got a reply " Glowing because of the sunrise that time" Her reply made me wonder... - why do we try to give reasons when we get complimented? - why do we try to compliment back? - why do we try to negate it? A genuine compliment means the giver has taken out time to notice you and found something about you that...

RAISING KIDS FOR FUTURE Change is the only thing that does not change. This is something that we all know. And as we enter, what Professor Klaus Schwab calls, The Fourth Industrial Revolution, it is being said that 65% of the children entering primary school today will be doing jobs that do not exist yet. I had once attended a lecture by Education Scientist Prof. Sugata Mitra. As a concerned parent, I asked him that with technology disrupting the world we know not just the work but the way we live and learn also, what skills should we teach our children today so that they can be successful tomorrow. He said, “train them to be adaptable and resilient”. Living in the affluent developed world where the external environment is predictable today and in the era of the smartphone where everything can be summoned at the touch of a button without even a second’s delay, this is something we parents and educators need to think about “Are we raising adaptable and resilient future genera...

GOAL SETTING Goals are critical. They keep you focused on what’s important, and allow you to make the best use of your 24 hours each day. We all know that. And yet research shows only 20% of the population sets goals and 92% of those goals are never achieved. And it becomes more challenging when the person you want to set goal is an Adolescent! It is difficult for teens to see beyond the present. Goal setting challenges them psychologically because it involves having to wait for a long time to see the results, which, again, is a good lesson to teach as kids grow up. They should learn that anything good is worth working for and that it is only over time and effort that we see the true results of all of our hard work. Very few things come to us immediately. We all know without a goal in mind we can end up wasting time and energy and are finally left with nothing in hand. In a bid to demonstrate to them how gratifying, energizing and fulfilling goal setting and accomplishing can...

ARE YOU EMPATHY TRAPPED? Do you spend more time thinking about your friend's/partner's feelings than about your own? -Do you focus your attention on what the other person is saying during an argument, to the exclusion of what you want to say? -After leaving an argument, are you preoccupied with what the other person was thinking? -Do you spend more time trying to figure out why someone let you down than deciding whether his/her reasons outweighed your feelings? A "YES" answer to any of the above questions is a red flag to being trapped in empathy. Its normal and necessary to tune into someone else's feelings, especially when one is very close to that person. What we all must remember is that while we put ourselves in other person's shoes, we MUST strike a balance between OTHERS and SELF. Otherwise, empathy becomes a trap and one can end up feeling psychologically impoverished. Know your needs and wants and have your say for a healthy self ...

CONVERSING WITH EXTENDED FAMILY Talking to the extended family can be daunting for young children, especially if they don't get to meet them very often. Lack of knowledge of what to talk about with whom often interpreted as shyness or arrogance. Here are some tips to share with your child for the next family get-together so they can make conversation with people of different ages. Does your child feel awkward with people he is not familiar with? Reach out for a 30-minute session to see how Coaching can train him to be socially adept.

HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR "SIDE HUSTLE" YET? The corporate world is changing at a pace it never has before. It’s not just because of Artificial Intelligence. People are also changing in what they want from life and how they want to live it. They are more and more becoming multi-passionate which means they have/want other outlets that bring them joy and income. One only needs to look around to find that people are becoming more entrepreneurial now. The avalanche of new products, new technologies and new ways of working are helping people to become more creative in order to benefit from these changes. While people are becoming entrepreneurial, one also finds people who are: 1. In comfortable jobs but want to do something more 2.Are afraid of being made redundant and are looking for a backup 3. Have resources but don’t know what to do next. In the video below, see how “Side Hustle” is changing the way people live and work. Have you discovered your Side Hustle? If n...

Are You Burning Bridges With Your Child? “My 13-year-old daughter is just so unenthusiastic and passive for just about everything. I have to constantly remind her of small things like putting her shoes away to packing her bags. She is intelligent, but she needs to be reminded to do her homework and prepare for her assessments. When she does it, she does it well…but my pain is the reminders. I feel like a broken record player…you know one that keeps playing the same track again and again!! Arghhh!!! Other children her age are so active and self-motivated” , ranted my client. Fatigue and frustration were apparent in her voice, face and body language. This is a story of not just one parent but of so many of us. As a Mum and Teen Coach, I have had the privilege of listening to both sides of the story on the same issues. The parents see themselves being ignored and disrespected. They also feel frustrated as the responsibility of getting everything done lies on them whilst ...

What are Soft Skills? Consider this scenario: You are new to a place and you fall sick. Since you do not know of any doctors, you decide to go to the nearest Clinic. After waiting patiently for your turn for about 30 minutes, you are called in. The middle aged doctor scans you through his thick glasses and asks “What are you here for?” It takes you a couple of seconds to realize you are being asked for your symptoms. You inform him of all your aches and pains. When you pause, he simply looks down at his notepad…scribbles a few notes and says “ok. Wait for the medicine outside.” The serious look on his face too intimidating for you to ask “But can you at least tell me what’s wrong with me?” You collect the medicine but not satisfied, you seek another doctor hoping this doctor would divulge more than just dispensing medicine. As you enter the doctor’s chamber, you are greeted with a warm smile. The symptoms are asked. While the doctor is scribbling on his note pad, he tells you...

"I have had 2 career breaks. Both for personal reasons and both in the last 5 years. Before this, my career was quite stable. The irony is that even though last 5 years gave me 2 career breaks, it also got me the 2 best jobs of my life. Now I am losing the job I really love. Why would anyone ever give me a job with this kind of track record? “ said a mother of 2 toddlers who was undergoing massive changes in her personal life and it was impacting her professional life. She continued, "My worst fear is explaining my career breaks”. "Whose voice is telling you this story?" I asked She continued, "My inner voice and my experience from my last interview with the elderly Head of a family run organisation. More than my work experience, he was more interested in my breaks. He kept looking at what I lacked and not at the massive changes I had brought about in my past roles.” As she went on to reflect and narrate. As a working Mom with career breaks of my o...